Dealing With A Toxic Workplace
If you’ve never had a toxic coworker, go ahead and skip to the next blog post… But I know you’ve all had at least one, so in that case, keep reading!
I have had many a toxic coworker/workplace - I worked in retail for the better part of a decade (iykyk). What do you do when it’s so bad you dread going to work everyday, or groan each time you see a meeting with said coworker pop up on your calendar? Call out sick, cancel the meeting, find a new job??
Sorry for the harsh language here - but the fucked up thing is that no matter where you go there will be toxic people, or at least people with occasionally toxic qualities - you really have to take responsibility for how you will deal with it when it inevitably comes up. Because at the end of the day you can’t control other people, you can only control yourself. So what will you do the next time your toxic coworker starts bitching about their job?
Recognize that Toxic Tara is toxic and set your expectations accordingly. You know the last 10 times you’ve talked to her she’s complained about something trivial, so go into every interaction with her knowing it’s not going to be the most pleasant interaction. Acceptance is half the battle!
Don’t feed into what Toxic Tara is saying. You might want to be nice and say things like, “oh yea” or “totally…” which will give TT the idea that you are not only someone who is a safe space to “vent” to, but that you agree with her! Instead, grey rock her. Grey rock? Imagine she is talking about a grey rock - aka the most boring thing you’ve ever heard of. It’s not obviously rude and she should get the hint real quick. But if she needs a stronger hint…
Straight up ask her to stop. “Tara, let me stop you there, I can see where your frustrations may be coming from, but I’m not the person to vent to. I’ve got work to do right now, but I’d be happy to hear about your weekend plans after my 2pm meeting!” See how you shut her down and changed the subject while remaining friendly? Let’s talk about fun stuff, I am not the person to bitch to!
Or even better - solve her problem. “Tara, I do see how you could feel like the managers don’t know what they’re doing, though I happen to disagree because of x,y, and z. But if you feel you can improve some processes why not reach out to them? In fact, tell me what your ideas are and maybe we can approach them together!”
Escalate if needed! There’s no shame in taking it to HR if Toxic Tara is really affecting the quality of your work life.
BUT - what if there’s nowhere to escalate, or even worse, what if it’s the person you’d escalate to that’s the toxic person? Well then it’s time to find a new job! Just kidding, but there is a little more nuance and finesse required to manage your manager… 1-4 apply here too, with a heavy emphasis on 1 - accept that this may just be how it’s going to be. Company culture really is from the top down, so if the toxicity is coming from the top, it’s likely there to stay.
Having toxic coworkers can be so mentally taxing. Constantly being bombarded by negativity is no way to live. While you’re dealing with this make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Eat well and stay hydrated (drink lots of water so you have to escape to the bathroom more often 😜), exercise and get those feel-good hormones flowing, and perhaps most importantly find a safe space to vent. I might suggest for that person to be your therapist or coach, but any consenting party works too! Emphasis on consenting though - you don't want to be a Toxic Tara yourself!
